Let’s say you are at a rehearsal dinner or maybe a wedding reception and you are worried about not being able to hold up your end of the small talk with your fellow party-goers. Not that you aren’t a wonderful conversationalist but, you know, sometimes people run out of things to talk about. It happens.

Well. I have the perfect solution to your chit chat problems: Grab up a toddler*.

Preferably a 14-month old boy that has had his sleeping and eating schedule shot to hell and has thus had to dig into the inner-most depths of his mitochondria to access untapped energy reserves, resulting in an activity level stuck in overdrive. If you can find such a toddler, make sure he has a few talents such as wandering aimlessly around hotel ballrooms carrying a water bottle in his mouth (yes, hands-free!), doing the same while also humming, doing similar but substituting a spoon for the water bottle and having such a convincing fake cough that his aunts will scramble to treat his “choking.”

You may also want to make sure that this toddler will frequently walk up to complete strangers while performing any one of his tricks, stop, flash the stranger a wide smile while tossing his head back with glee and then, when the stranger attempts to squat down to his level in order to play with him, squeal and run off to the next stranger.

If you are able to obtain such a toddler, you will never be at a loss for conversation. In fact, people will seek you out. They will want to talk to you and you really won’t even have to say much back to them. You can just smile and nod and they will carry the whole conversation. It’s so easy! I’m telling you — a piece of cake.

So, next time you have someplace to go and you aren’t feeling the conversation creativity, get a toddler.

While you’re at it, take a nice little photo. Why not? Those toddlers are cute – even when they hate posing!

*Important Note: Prior to grabbing up a toddler, please be sure that the event you are attending actually welcomes them. While they are wonderful conversation starters where they are welcome, they can be awful argument starters where they are not. Consider yourself warned.